It’s a Friday lunchtime and I’m standing in the queue waiting to buy a burrito. Two students are standing in front of me chatting away. One of the guys says they need to leave while the other explains that he isn’t in any hurry as it’s only work experience and because it’s Friday no one in the office is taking any notice of them. The other chap asks him has he any plans for the weekend and he is politely told that he is staying in. He casual mentions “a bit of tinder, and to start watching Narcos”. There are worse ways to spend a weekend. What I found intriguing about the whole thing was not the fact that while they were talking about their weekends, they both had their heads buried deep in their phones. It was more the case that neither seemed too fussed to actually do anything with the other.

In this day and age it’s very apparent that people are intrinsically connected, probably in many more ways than humankind has ever been. Social media, online dating, chat rooms and forums. Gone are the days when people are told to never talk to a stranger. Work places have become hugely collaborative, vast distances between offices are no longer an issue. New friendships are formed all the time in every place imaginable. Yet I often wonder when I’m sitting on a packed train why you rarely see two strangers strike up a conversation. Most of us follow the same routines in the morning, more than likely seeing the same people in the same spots each day, but how often do you say hello to any of these people? No doubt the dangers of talking to strangers are the still the same as they were 20 years ago, however we are more than willing to reach out to people online.

I’ve found as I’ve gotten older like most people your social circle starts to reduce in size. It obviously becomes harder and harder to form true and meaningful connections with people. As we age we build up certain pre conditioned ideas about ourselves and others. Our internal self-talk stops us from reaching out to others and as a result generally people are quite guarded and fearful of putting themselves out there. The world seems to be moving so fast, people are caught up in the daily struggles of life, be it personal or work related stresses that they forget that they can reach out to other people. Pride can be a real killer, it gets a grip of you and holds you back. Mental health is a very popular topic online these days and maybe something as simple as talking to people can help. A slap on the back, some eye contact. Never underestimate physical contact.

Now I am not saying we all need to go out and talk to every person that passes by, or walk around the gym striking up meaningless chat. We might need to just remove the connection by technology, and try to connect with the people that are physically around us. We’re all different in how we do this, but I once read that the best way to approach it is, if we feel uncomfortable look out for the person who looks more uncomfortable than you and reach out to them. You never know you might share the same interests or passions. It’s not enough to just politely smile and nod your head. You need be genuine or at least paying attention to what they have to say. Don’t always be trying to line up what you’re going to say next in your head. All of this applies to people in industry as well. Building personal relations is one of the best ways to succeed in your career. Remember it’s important to be nice, but it’s more important to be yourself.